Struggling with the events of yesterday now. More red wine please! Plenty more its needed!<\/p>\n
Have really gone down with how these bar stewards had treated me at the court hearing and all I want to do is to get back in there and have another go at it, this time a little more wiser and a lot more p*ssed off! The next round will be tough.<\/p>\n
Something that I wrote a while ago sprang to mind tonight, written at a time of similar feelings of angst and low self worth, but written for very different reasons. Reading through it again it most certainly resonates with how I feel following the hearing, as it has done at similar low points recently. Remembering the people involved, with their callous and dishonest behaviour to their own ends, reminded me of a similar person in my early years.<\/p>\n
Mental Holiday – By: Rosie the Dog<\/p>\n
How on earth do I explain to those, the ones that care for me?
\nThat my mind was tired and needed time, a while to be free
\nCircumstances had conspired; they had challenged all I knew
\nEvents collided, people colluded and I did not know what to do
\nResulting in a breakdown? no a period where Mike went away
\nInsanity? No! Euphemistically put, a mental holiday.<\/p>\n
How do you tell those people whose crises I had borne?
\nWhilst doing so I had forgot myself and I forgot to mourn
\nWhilst the crises were other peoples, I found that I could cope
\nIn helping them get through it and back on the path of hope
\nBut as the crises registered and they began to relate to me
\nI guess I came apart; I was not as strong as I should be<\/p>\n
My mind switched off and floated from its normal conscious state
\nInto a self obsessed and pitying void to which no one could relate
\nThe interwoven strands of my life that had built through my time
\nBecame unravelled through self pity and all actions became a mime
\nAs the pain and hurt became to much my emotions became unfurled
\nIt was then I drifted off and entered this new and tranquil world<\/p>\n
This tranquil world that I had found by events when as a child
\nCadbury’s buttons as a payment as my innocence was defiled
\nWarm breath upon my neck I felt as my young body was restrained
\nBlackness, spinning, outrage with my screams, my thoughts constrained
\nConfusion bad events and hurt the tranquil world trick came to be
\nNow as then I needed it to get through bad things hurting me.<\/p>\n
In this world things are different, its reality that is the dream
\nYou can be just who you want to be, unafraid no need to scream
\nNo confining walls, no compressing skies and no compelling needs
\nYour mind at rest on the other side whilst your being silently bleeds
\nYou think out things quite clearly, but thoughts muddled none the less
\nIt is this that creates inaction it ensures you avoid any further stress<\/p>\n
In this world colour schemes can be set to reflect just how you feel
\nOn a good day grass is green but on a bad day pink has more appeal
\nLet\u2019s colour in the sky with blue, vague memories I could recall
\nThe rivers red, the trees are blue, it does not look right at all
\nA scenic view painted by Constable, no this was definitely not
\nBut just who cares what is right or wrong, my mind it had forgot<\/p>\n
In this world time has no place; there are no deadlines to achieve
\nThere is no use for reasoned views or logic in the thoughts I weave
\nA fleeting thought of recognition, that this was always so to me
\nOr at least that\u2019s what I chose as me to let the other people see
\nVague images of things I\u2019d known and of things I\u2019d done or seen
\nDisorder, chaos ruled my time, but then that\u2019s as it\u2019s always been<\/p>\n
In this world peoples views of me did not matter, I did not care
\nTheir selfish needs ignored and the selfish views I did not share
\nIn caricatures I re-created them along with a silly nursery rhyme
\nHelped me to laugh which had not happened in such a long, long time
\nThis fun continued for a while it allowed me to sift and sort
\nReal friends who cared and trusted me in every deed and thought<\/p>\n
As their faces formed and features grew I challenged who they were
\nIn what they believed and if they cared would they let this re-occur
\nAs the features of their bodies formed I let the caricatures melt away
\nSo I challenged them once again I asked did they want me back to stay
\nSome smiled and turned and walked away, they sensed I knew them now
\nThe friends reached out and cried, come home, well work it out somehow<\/p>\n
As I left that world and came home with the lessons that I had learnt
\nI wondered if I would apply them or once again allow myself to get hurt
\nMy way had always been to do things direct to get things needed done
\nBut now I realize perspectives differ and I just can\u2019t please everyone
\nBut what I\u2019ve learnt is I need to take more from people who wish to share
\nThe answer lies in who you are, in who you love, in who you trust and care!<\/p>\n
So now I\u2019m back, I\u2019m really back it\u2019s like I\u2019ve never been away
\nInsanity No, realistically put, it\u2019s part of life\u2019s mental holiday!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Struggling with the events of yesterday now. More red wine please! Plenty more its needed! Have really gone down with how these bar stewards had treated me at the court hearing and all I...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-83","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-case-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=83"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=83"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=83"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thatislife.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=83"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}