The morning after the 6th September 2013 hearing
Two hours sleep and a very rough night, worried sick that I may have misrepresented myself at the FDR first appointment hearing. The demons are here and at low moments, they are winning giving me a host of negative thoughts and doubts to fuel me through the early of this morning.
Have conflicting thoughts on what happened in the judges chamber room yesterday. It is very hard and tiring having to consistently argue with people, who in my opinion had no intention of conceding anything to me. Accordingly I had to argue repeatedly and more forcefully than I would have liked.
My arguments for most part appeared to be unwelcome however I did note a bit of a change in attitude towards me on a couple of very key points, however it was hard fought. I accept that I have no chance of a fair outcome on this matter owing to my frustration at what I am dealing with and the perception that I had, in that I was not a legal person. Could be wrong but instincts tell me otherwise.
My ex wife’s solicitor took every opportunity of challenging my integrity with little digs aimed at me to the judge, regarding points that were obvious. It kind of reminded me of being back in school to be honest and to me it felt oppressive. Certainly I was well out of my comfort zone, but then I got kicked out of school! Of course I argued back.
I do not know what to do with this from here, I can not afford the high solicitors fees for representation, there is not the kind of money in the pot that my ex wife and her solicitor hope that there is and I desperately do not want to be put down again at another hearing, as I felt that I was yesterday in the judges chamber.
As it is, it feels as though all that I am and all that I have worked for is spiralling away from me on a lie, which bring on questions of have I got my values all wrong? I don’t seem to have any say in this which is like another very unpleasant period in my childhood. I feel as though that I am being forced to take the only decision that I can make on my own.
No it is the same as my childhood, the only difference is that these people are doing it for monetary gain. whoa! Lets get off that and calm down a little.
A Rhyming Thought!
Lets drink to a fool, so dumb and naive, Who cared for wrong people, they cheat and deceive
Tortured soul, tortured mind going slowly insane, These people will do the same again, again
Things at the moment not really going my way, No one is interested in anything I have to say
So who are we, when were left with no say, Empty and soulless all sanity frittered away!
