What’s it all about?

This site, the opinions, comments and the narrative contained within are based on my experiences of going partway through the divorce process, getting completely frustrated and ultimately deciding that I would handle my own divorce from this point, 6th Sept 2013. I have a court hearing (FDR) at 12.00 today and am very apprehensive!

This site is an opportunity for me to look at what I have got myself involved in and to keep a diary on thoughts based on events as they transpire throughout the hearings. I need somehow to get the anger and frustration out and along the way learn to think in the same way as the people who have put this lop sided process in place and those that operate the process. A place to Vent, all be it very carefully.

I want to explore and start a debate about people getting divorced and why the process appears to have been hijacked by solicitors, converted into an adversarial process, that is inefficient and that takes a very long time to complete. It ensures broken relationships and broken families and is a very expensive exercise, to the solicitors benefit. Divorce is financial win win for solicitors, very painful for people and families going through a divorce.

I would like to explore the idea of using Guardians to support people through the divorce process instead of solicitors. I want to explore the idea of “fair Trade Practice” “comparative pricing” when supplying goods or services to solicitors and I want to explore why solicitors appear to be bulletproof with no legal comeback when they take damaging legal action, incorrectly without establishing fact, against another person. I would include in this the taking of an action that is subsequently proven to be based on incorrect facts.

By relaying a detailed and an accurate account of my experiences through this process, I want to invite others with similar experiences to share and comment on their own experiences. Hopefully we can get a debate going here and hopefully we can come up with some thoughts on ways to address some of these issues and concerns for the future.

Before I go on, I would add that when I separated with my wife 10 years ago, I actually split all of my assets 50/50 with her and we came up with, what I thought at the time, was an amicable settlement, a settlement which was fair to both parties and would have allowed us to remain friends and retain family ties.

In the real world, completely the right thing to do fair and equitable with all parties getting on with their lives! After 7/8 years, my wife goes to a solicitor and I came very close to taking my own life, lost all self belief and yes, I and others would say that I had a partial breakdown. I had always thought of myself as a fairly strong character but have been amazed at how close I came to drinking a bottle of vodka in the middle of a quiet field on a freezing evening.

The reality is that this site has come about owing to my astonishment at how the divorce process works and how the person getting divorced has absolutely no say in their own divorce, when they go down the pre-subscribed and recommended path of getting a solicitor to represent them throughout the divorce process.

The divorce process is not a factual process, the solicitor appears not interested in related facts, it is a monetary process whereby you get assessed based on what they think you have and your financial net worth. My divorce is at the second court hearing stage and no facts other than financial have been discussed!

I do not know what the legal terms are and am speaking from my limited knowledge base but I believe the terms are “ancillary Relief” which takes you down a series of Financial dispute resolution (FDR) hearings to try and get matters resolved. For the person that has already paid once, how can this be a solution without dealing with the fact that a large chunk of money/value has already been paid over.

I forgot that very civilised notion of MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meetings) in which you attend a process to negotiate, negotiate what, of course your net worth! The Miam session is conducted by a solicitor and I was advised and I quote “we do not encourage and we are careful about discussion about the past” So what can we discuss then, the issues?, the fact that I had paid out according to a settlement agreement? – No, my net worth!

No facts other than what you are worth are allowed or encouraged to be discussed at these meetings. In my case it was assumed that my wife’s claims that I had not paid her a penny and that I was the anti-christ were correct. I was treated accordingly but have to say that the MIAM system to me, is a good idea but for me was completely unworkable, as is.

The costs of going through the divorce process using a solicitor are mind blowing and careful consideration and awareness of this must be retained at all times. A solicitor will typically charge £300 to £600 per hour for time spent working on your file with a slightly lesser hourly rate for a para-legal (a solicitors secretary). All errors and inefficiencies are charged out at full rate and believe me there are many.

In my case there were: names incorrect, dates and other details incorrect, letters sent out without enclosures, letters that I needed to act upon not even sent out, no return calls, court dates not advised and copies of relevant paperwork not given. Not one deadline met, telephone calls on the morning of a court hearing asking me to approve the text in a court order application/submission etc. All true!

To date I have been charged approx £4000 from the solicitor that I have parted company from for basically: £750 to exchange paperwork for a decree nisi, £2000 for filling in a Form E and £1350 WIP charges going to a court hearing when it should have been cancelled from the other side, and other admin stuff.

During this time I found it impossible to get a return telephone call to any of my many telephone calls and on many an occasion no reply to my emails. We will be contesting these charges, but I really do not need this as a side show right now.

In just arranging to get initial advice from a different solicitor, I made an appointment one afternoon for the following day and the morning just before I set off, 2 bills came through the post from the solicitors in question, a £40.00 bill to confirm the appointment and a £20.00 bill for setting out their terms and conditions.

The meeting consisted of a solicitor with his pen and pad taking notes on, Guess what, my financial net worth. Absolutely no interest in any other fact surrounding the divorce and was quick to point out that I made a commitment before god when I got married.

He was also very quick to point out the good work that solicitors are doing to ensure less problems in the future for people going through a divorce. It would appear that these people are going to get pre-nuptial agreements signed before people get married, of course for a fee that will rise and rise because it will be the law!

So in future when anyone gets married they have to stand before god and of course visit a solicitor and stand before them and ensure that any romantic notions of wedlock, or those notions of sharing and being together as one, are very quickly dispelled. Lets not forget that in 50% of cases, this will actually create the reason for the marriage break up.

Did we not once have an intrusive system like this? The fuedal system and if memory serves me correctly, it was very intrusive and the lord or knight had first rights on the female on the evening before she got married? Can anyone else see any potential parallels creeping in.

Following this nearly 2 hour meeting I received an invoice for £700 plus the additionals, the£40 plus the £20 already commented upon. I also got a nice report on my financial net worth as written down in the meeting with advice not to dispose of any asset. After the bill was paid, I received a payment demand by mail and another by telephone and when I advised that I had already paid, I was told that they were from financial department and that they would help me by ensuring they noted that the bill had been paid.

Any other business would be accused of sharp practice if it operated invoicing in this manner and at these rates. The information received was worthless in that I was already aware of my net worth..

I had occasion to meet with a couple of older solicitors recently, one on this matter and the other on a related house purchase matter. Both are complete gentlemen and one of them has recently retired. The guy who retired when asked said that he was glad to see the back of what had been a “change” in standards and practices over recent years. The other guy was just a thoroughly decent man who offered sensible advice for no gain.

My father was a very decent, honourable and practical man and I am certain that he would have agreed that farmers who are currently struggling to get a fair price on their products are of far more value to society than solicitors, or people like them who in my opinion based on my dealings on this and another issue, are vastly overpaid for the service that they give. Society actually needs farmers!

Our society urgently needs a reality check on many things, however for me, it all starts with relevant people and exactly what they think they do for other people or for society. Just how relevant are these people? or is it a case of them telling us how relevant they are?

Lets see.