It’s been a while
It has been a fair while since I last sat and put thoughts to paper regarding this calamitous event in my life, not the divorcing from my ex, that has been a breathe of fresh air, calamitous refers to the manner in which this so called civilized country allows jumped up jerks to strut their stuff in a court room and make a very good living whilst deliberately and dishonestly ruining other peoples lives and reputations. The word they use for this is being professional. I thank god that I am not a professional!
I came back to write some stuff on closure on this on the 7th March 2015, ten months after the final hearing date ( 16th May, 2014) but I was clearly not ready to coherently put thoughts down as they were still evolving owing to further events following the final hearing. I have left the actual posts published for that date (The Cost of this Fiasco) for the sake of accuracy and flavour in the moment. They were unfinished.
Life has been a very different experience since the divorce, a good experience and a good place to be, more on that as we go. Of course the shenanigans continued during the time taken in settling the very fair settlement arrived at by the judge. The dishonesty and pretentious self belief continued, dishonesty from the ex and ethereal-like pomposity from her solicitor to the point in which I had an epiphany and I finally understood that these type of people were nothing more than caricatures playing out a role that they perceived was important in life. I realized that I was far luckier than they, in that I actually was living my life, which of course was the purpose of going through the divorce in the first place, to be allowed to live my life as I chose. Irony!
If you care to think about it a little, a “divorce” is the “separation and settlement of all matters between two parties” for want of a better way to define the word/process. Any decent and fair minded person would agree that this should be done fairly to both parties and very sensitively, especially when children are involved. Given that this is about the “separation and settlement of all matters between two parties” how come that solicitors become the main focus? Two actors on a stage that have hijacked the process to their own ends and as was the case in my own divorce, who are prepared to lie and breach decent process in order to win. What has that behavior to do with fair minded, sensitive or decent people?
An analogy with football would be the role that the referee plays in a football match. The purpose of a football match is for 2 teams of 11 people to play a game of football to see who can score the most goals. This all takes place at a given location, within a set of rules governing player conduct and how to play and is overseen by a referee who is there to ensure that the game is played within the rules. The saying goes that the referee has had a good game if you hardly notice him. In other words you focus on the actual game which was the purpose of the players, referee and fans all getting together in the first place.
If that reasoning was applied to a divorce process and possibly the law overall, maybe we would see fairer outcomes and less broken families. What we get in a divorce hearing/court, is the parties to be divorced are removed from the field of play to become the spectators, the solicitors by means of their conduct elevate themselves into the aggrieved parties getting divorced and act out their respective parts in their newly aquired roles and a judge becomes the referee trying to ensure that it is all conducted within the rules whilst understanding that when certain rules are broken that there is nothing that they can do about it, as in effect it would prevent further fair progress in the divorce.
I am not going to over dwell on this point on my distaste for these people as I want to, no need to, get back on and complete what I started here in terms of documenting thoughts on going through this divorce process and how it affected myself in terms of life style, family relationships, emotional disposition and perception of the UK and its laws. I guess that many would like me have thought that my final thoughts had been formed, through and up to the point of the final hearing. Surprisingly to me, I have found that is not the case. Relief that it was over and that a fair settlement had been arrived at was soon dispelled by the after events of the other side. The continued persistence by the other party that they were the lead in this fiasco, in other words that it was all about them, has left a silent rage, no an absolute determination that under no circumstances will I tolerate them for the future.
Clearly I am still not ready to complete my thoughts on this and I am going to leave it there until the anger subsides and until I have had time to collect my thoughts and finalise where I actually am at on this.
This was written 8th October 2016 @ 10.00am and I did not publish this until much later.
