Beware the Downside of a Power of Attorney (POA) arrangement.

A Cautionary Tale!

You will have seen the adverts, or heard from a solicitor banging on about why you need to arrange for a “Power of Attorney” (POA) as you grow older! or “beware if you have no will”. Be very careful before you react to these ads or solicitors advising to act on these subjects!! Be aware, that you are dealing with a solicitors business, who are trying to sell you something for money!

Creating a Power Of Attorney arrangement or amending a will and getting it wrong can be life-changing for you, your family and to the detriment of any potential legacy that you wish to leave. Drawing up a Power of Attorney arrangement should be considered with appropriate advice before acting upon. The same is equally true of making or amending a will.

The courts will rely on documents of this type in the event that a family dispute occurs. Also, Social services and any other government body or services will act on these documents. From personal experience to the detriment of the person involved and the family involved.

I Used to have a family, A mum and Brothers & Sisters Before mum’s POA!

The big selling point that solicitors give as a reason to create a POA or make/amend a will through a solicitor’s office, as opposed to using other methods is that solicitors advise that they are bound by law to make checks with clients to ensure all is well, basic checks as follows:

• Clients are aware of the actions and consequences of these arrangements and establish the capacity to be aware.
• Actions that clients are taking are actually what they want and are in their best interests.
• Clients are not under duress or being manipulated by third party coercion into taking action.

Given that these checks were supposedly made …

Why was My Mum Not Allowed To See most of her children & grandchildren?

There were no effective checks carried out to establish any of the above and there were certainly no family checks made. Not at the point of creating a Power of Attorney and not at the point of amending a will! Mum’s life was effectively handed over to one of my sisters without any reference to any of mum’s other children. I have no doubt for a fee as with dealing with all solicitors, by name and by nature!

Because we were not informed of these legal steps taken on behalf of an 86 year old vulnerable woman that was our mum, the entire family walked into a nightmare. We were unable to step in and help when mum asked, and we did try. The secrecy that this was done with, combined with the difficulties in dealing with character flaws within my sister, meant that we have longstanding questions that as yet are still unanswered. We are still not aware of the cause of death or other questions that we have asked as below:

Why were most of mum’s children & grandchildren not advised that she was very ill when she fell seriously ill?
Why were most of mum’s children & grandchildren not advised that she was moved into care and receiving “end of life” palliative care?
Why were most of mum’s children & grandchildren not allowed to see mum and to say our goodbyes to mum or mum to us?
Why did it take over 24 hours to advise mum’s children that she had passed and in the case of 1 child not advised at all?

Apparently, children have no right to know any details of a parent’s death!

I have written on several occasions to my sister who was named as attorney in the POA’s covering mum’s health and finances and who also acted as executors for mums will. After 3 years I have received no reply. I received a letter from her solicitor and still not a single reply to my questions and I still do not know the cause of mum’s death. My sister and brother also wrote with questions. What we got back from the solicitors was insensitive, offensive and borderline abusive which basically questioned our right to ask these questions?

Actually, the law states that a child is an interested person of a deceased parent and is therefore entitled to ask questions of the estate. Generally, they would be entitled to a copy of the will which of course did not happen and which I have no interest in. I would have guessed that we were also entitled to know of our mum’s health issues in a timely manner and that she was receiving palliative care. Oh No,

We found out that Mum was receiving end of life care during the actual funeral service!

According to how this has been dealt with by my sister acting in the capacity of attorney for mum in the POA and executor of mum’s will, along with her solicitor’s behaviour, they have overridden any rights or family ties that mum’s children had to the benefit of my sister and her stories. The solicitor has acted in a typical bullying solicitor manner thinking that “they are the law”. Well actually, they are not the law! They are salesmen that sell supposed knowledge of the law.

If you think that statement is wrong, here is a thought to consider. 2 people get into a dispute that they can’t resolve, and accordingly, they both go to see a solicitor. Each solicitor takes on one of the 2 persons’ cases and takes it to court. One solicitor wins and the other loses the case. Ah, so one of the solicitors at least can not be the law. I will leave you all to work it out…..

For my part, I am sick to the back teeth of dealing with and hearing of people who get above themselves and who deliberately damage other people to their own ends. The perspective that I have of these events is a perspective of a self-entitled sister, deliberately creating a toxic environment and using it to take steps toward her own ends. The stupidity in the application of the law mixed with solicitors who,s primary objective is to sell a service in order to raise an invoice, merely supported and empowered my sister.

If how mum’s POA and will amendment were handled is the standard, there is no transparency and therefore it is open to manipulation and dishonesty. Having sacked my solicitors during my divorce, deciding that I could do a better job handling the divorce and attending and arguing in court myself, I really should have not expected any different. A simple requirement that all siblings should be advised of any discussion about a POA for a parent should be a minimum requirement. No chance of the family being listened to, solicitors and the law think they know best and operate in a manner that best serves their own interests.

Why Act Now After Three Years!

My wife asked me what I wanted to achieve in acting now. It has taken several months to answer the question calmly with cold anger, the depth of which frightened her. I effectively lost two years of my life owing to my utter disbelief at the events and the actions of others against me in this. I am pretty robust as a person but this floored me and with the added involvement of my daughters, I am unable to express effectively the disappointment of waking up each morning.

My perception of the law and legal process is of a process used merely for monetary gain and that legally, there is probably no legal basis for an argument based on a principle. How sad is that? For me, this is very much about principles. I am reminded of an amusing sketch and saying from Groucho Marx “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others”. Amusing but sadly it accurately reflects many of my dealings with so-called professionals in the UK, and includes this.

I digress, My sister, Sandra telephoned me this week saying that she was feeling weird about this and that she can’t leave it there. Strange how I have been getting to that point and we seem to have arrived at the same moment. So why now, we needed time to come to terms with losing mum, the manner of it, the shock of how badly our sister had acted against us, the secrecy of action in terms of mum and the will, the not knowing how mum died, the issues and lockdowns relating to covid 19 and now, of course, current events.

Its time.

Before I go on and give the impression that I believe all Power of Attorney arrangements are bad, Let me state that I happen to believe that a Power of Attorney is beneficial if appropriate care is taken on having the power of attorney drawn up and if a balanced approach is taken in the operation of the power of attorney. There must be checks and balances along with layers of protection that ensure that you have a voice and to ensure that decisions are taken to protect your quality of life in all respects.

What is a Power of Attorney? Click here

My Mum was not allowed to see most of her children & grandchildren!

My mum had a “POA” drawn up with my sister acting as the attorney. The type of POA is not known owing to this being done between mum and my sister without advising her other 4 children. Had we been made aware during the process, I would have argued against a single sibling, with their direct family, being a sole attorney or combined attorney.

My reasoning is that there are no balances and checks in the case of a single sibling attorney, therefore decisions can be taken that are questionable, to say the least. I would have also expressed deep concerns about character and bullying.

As it turns out my mum was increasingly isolated from most of her family other than my sister’s family, who was acting as the attorney. The exception to that would be a couple of family members who were very friendly with my sister’s family. It is a fact that mum was not allowed to see most of her family and was corralled into only seeing people who my sister allowed, on pain of her daughter washing her hands of mum.

Mum asked me on two occasions to speak with my sister about her concerns and after I travelled down, mum panicked and ask me to say nothing, on both occasions. Mum also asked my other sister to intervene regarding the same concerns, she then called her back asking her to please say nothing.

Owing to the “POA” and mum’s situation, there was nothing that we could do. I left telephone messages for my sister and wrote to her, with no reply. Do I believe that I let mum down? Yes, every day and I will do every day that I am alive! It would be easy to cite “The Stone family/Milgate family complications” to salve my conscience, but that is not my way.

Did others let mum down? Yes, which is the point of me writing this and wanting to let people know to carefully consider before entering into a POA. I hope also that writing will serve to allow others to understand my actions in dealing with this.

Let’s compare two different POA cases

As so often in our lives, parallels occur with other people’s lives. That was the case with my wife’s mum and my own mum. The similarities are incredible, from our fathers passing and leaving vulnerable wives with mobility, hearing and sight issues and of course, broken hearts at their loss. It is from this point that the parallel stops.

On the one hand, my wife’s mum saw all of her family whenever she wished. I have already highlighted that my mum was not allowed to see the majority of her family.

• My wife’s mum’s Power of Attorney arrangements – Read Here!
• My mum’s Power of Attorney arrangements – Read Here!

Create a balanced power of Attorney agreement!

People acting on your behalf is a serious matter and giving authority for people to act on your behalf, by creating A power of Attorney is and should be worrying with due consideration taken. Any Power of Attorney must be balanced with layers of protection that ensure that you still have a voice. It should also ensure that decisions taken on your behalf, protect your quality of life and respect your views and wishes in matters.

Provision MUST also be made to allow cancellation of any Power of Attorney arrangement if you choose to do so, or if concerns are expressed by other family members or any genuinely concerned persons. Of course, any expressed concerns should be looked into and only acted upon if found to be valid.

Principles

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others by Groucho Marx