Sheila’s POA
I have commented that my mum had a “POA” drawn up with my sister acting as the attorney. The type of POA is not known because the family have never been advised of it. It may be that my sister’s daughters are also named as attorneys.
My family has a complex history regarding inter-family relationships, loyalties and some family members who excel in practising the art of derogatory comments about other family members, I would add, never to their faces. I have never gotten involved and have no time for that kind of behaviour. I just remained in contact with mum and dad throughout their lives. The exception to that is the last 3 years of mum’s life, owing to the actions of my sister.
Increasingly since dad passed mum became isolated from some of her children. I am not going to go into how this came about but from having 5 children, 4 married partners, 9 grandchildren & 9 great-grandchildren at the time of her passing, she was only allowed to see 2 children, 1 partner, 4 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren. This may be overstated.
Mum was subjected to a constant stream of how bad my sister’s brothers and sister were with tales that were incorrect and slanted towards a view that she wanted mum to form. Mum was old lonely with next to no contact other than my sister and her family and she was therefore influenced, bless her. This is based on my wife and me constantly hearing the same crap every time we visited. Some of the remarks made about my brother and sister, partners and family were just nasty!
Mum was heavily influenced by the remarks and her views did change to reflect the stories and tales of woe. Occasionally I would get a call and mum would let stuff out, but as soon as I went to act, mum would ask me not to. A case in point would be when I received a phone call from my sister advising me that she would not assist or support mum and Trevor, my brother any longer. She said that I needed to go down to Sittingbourne. We were dealing with my wife’s father just passing away and I advised that I would travel after a couple of days.
When I arrived, the story that I got had changed significantly and the issue was now one of bullying by my brother to mum. I knew this to be incorrect as the stories did not tally and my brother would not bully mum. Mum later confirmed this to me and also confirmed that I was correct in my view of what had actually occurred.
Simply put, mum was not allowed to express care, love or emotion towards any of her family who my sister disapproved of. Of course, mum did when no one was looking or when she had a flash of temper, which is as I remember mum. Spirited.
Mum was very vulnerable and bearing in mind that solicitors were involved, a will change was made, and social services were involved, how was it that mum came to be in the position that she was?. Where were the checks and balances by the professionals? Does anyone seriously believe that a mother would not wish to see her children, grandchildren and family?
Should that be hard to follow, mum passed away 3 years ago and despite writing to my sister and writing to her solicitors, I still do not know how she died or what the cause of death was. I was advised that mum had passed a day after mums death via a telephone call from my niece. No details were given. I was in shock and processing so did not ask. I was advised of the Milgate family funeral arrangements where I learned as did my sister that mum had been poorly for a while and had been receiving palliative care in a home. We were intentionally not advised of this and neither mum nor ourselves were allowed to say our goodbyes.
My sister’s actions in mum’s passing, in mum not being allowed to see her family or to say goodbye are beyond nasty. These are the actions of a nobody but nonetheless, actions that the nobody is going to answer to. There is no possible justification for her behaviour. My sister has never fallen out with any family member, certainly not with me, not one cross word. A convenient stance to her own ends.
The funeral arrangements were all about the Milgate family. No input was requested, no memories shared just a monologue badly delivered and badly received given that I was being advised that my mum had been ill for a while and I had not been advised. To go one better than that would be a gathering in which, you guessed it her brothers and sisters were denigrated by her and sadly, I am informed by my daughters. What a respectful send of for mum. Her brothers and sister were sharing fond memories of mum at the Fruiterers Arms, in Rodmersham.
After not receiving answers, I wrote again and threatened to act against mums will unless I received answers. I received a reply from her solicitors that mirrored the contempt that my sister has for her brothers and sisters. Further, it lacked sympathy, empathy or any form of decency that one would usually use when writing to someone who had lost a loved one. The person that wrote the letter is an asshole of the highest calibre. An asshole who lacks class, stature and who thinks that manners are optional. An arrogant bastard who I would pay to meet up with to hear him, repeat the remarks.
As I have stated, it is my belief that mum was let down by all involved, very badly.
