Mental Holiday

Mental Holiday – By: Rosie the Dog

How on earth do I explain to those, the ones that care for me?
That my mind was tired and needed time, a while to be free
Circumstances had conspired; they had challenged all I knew
Events collided, people colluded and I did not know what to do
Resulting in a breakdown? no a period where Mike went away
Insanity? No! Euphemistically put, a mental holiday.

How do you tell those people whose crises I had borne?
Whilst doing so I had forgot myself and I forgot to mourn
Whilst the crises were other peoples, I found that I could cope
In helping them get through it and back on the path of hope
But as the crises registered and they began to relate to me
I guess I came apart; I was not as strong as I should be

My mind switched off and floated from its normal conscious state
Into a self obsessed and pitying void to which no one could relate
The interwoven strands of my life that had built through my time
Became unravelled through self pity and all actions became a mime
As the pain and hurt became to much my emotions became unfurled
It was then I drifted off and entered this new and tranquil world

This tranquil world that I had found by events when as a child
Cadbury’s buttons as a payment as my innocence was defiled
Warm breath upon my neck I felt as my young body was restrained
Blackness, spinning, outrage with my screams, my thoughts constrained
Confusion bad events and hurt the tranquil world trick came to be
Now as then I needed it to get through bad things hurting me.

In this world things are different, its reality that is the dream
You can be just who you want to be, unafraid no need to scream
No confining walls, no compressing skies and no compelling needs
Your mind at rest on the other side whilst your being silently bleeds
You think out things quite clearly, but thoughts muddled none the less
It is this that creates inaction it ensures you avoid any further stress

In this world colour schemes can be set to reflect just how you feel
On a good day grass is green but on a bad day pink has more appeal
Let’s colour in the sky with blue, vague memories I could recall
The rivers red, the trees are blue, it does not look right at all
A scenic view painted by Constable, no this was definitely not
But just who cares what is right or wrong, my mind it had forgot

In this world time has no place; there are no deadlines to achieve
There is no use for reasoned views or logic in the thoughts I weave
A fleeting thought of recognition, that this was always so to me
Or at least that’s what I chose as me to let the other people see
Vague images of things I’d known and of things I’d done or seen
Disorder, chaos ruled my time, but then that’s as it’s always been

In this world peoples views of me did not matter, I did not care
Their selfish needs ignored and the selfish views I did not share
In caricatures I re-created them along with a silly nursery rhyme
Helped me to laugh which had not happened in such a long, long time
This fun continued for a while it allowed me to sift and sort
Real friends who cared and trusted me in every deed and thought

As their faces formed and features grew I challenged who they were
In what they believed and if they cared would they let this re-occur
As the features of their bodies formed I let the caricatures melt away
So I challenged them once again I asked did they want me back to stay
Some smiled and turned and walked away, they sensed I knew them now
The friends reached out and cried, come home, well work it out somehow

As I left that world and came home with the lessons that I had learnt
I wondered if I would apply them or once again allow myself to get hurt
My way had always been to do things direct to get things needed done
But now I realize perspectives differ and I just can’t please everyone
But what I’ve learnt is I need to take more from people who wish to share
The answer lies in who you are, in who you love, in who you trust and care!

So now I’m back, I’m really back it’s like I’ve never been away
Insanity No, realistically put, it’s part of life’s mental holiday!